Ten years ago yesterday, there was a light bluster in the wind, throwing off spackles of sunshine and spitz of rain. The wind, rain, and sun felt magnificent against my cheeks as I sat in my pink flannel P.J.s wrapped in a couple of those thin loose excuses for a blanket ubiquitous to hospitals.
Of course the generous amount of morphine I was on may have had something to do with that - but, no - pain meds. dull the mind and senses.(believe me, I know pain meds.), and they decidedly do not have the side effect of making one feel alive down to every turn and twist of one's DNA.
I had been in the hospital, what, three weeks I think. Half my left shin was gone. I had a beauty of a surgical wound nearly 17 inches long from my knee to my ankle (I used to tell people it was a shark bite - kids loved that story). I weighed less then 115 pounds, had bad eyesight, no energy, no hair - thanks to the chemo.
Well actually, the doctor had told me that morning that they can't say Cancer is ever completely dead; but 98% necrosis was the best pathology report he had ever seen in his nearly 30 years of researching and treating Ewing Sarcoma. Treatment still held two more surgeries and five more months of Chemo in store for me; plus years of 'follow-up'. -But, right this moment - here - now - I was Alive - it was My New Day!
The nurses had parked me inside the sliding glass door to wait for my Dad to bring the car around. Pish, I've never been much of an indoor girl when the weather was good for adventure. When they weren't looking I wheeled myself outside to the very end and edge of the sidewalk of the patient pick up drive.
April 6th 2001 - a perfect Spring day to be alive.
Yesterday felt exactly the same. Ten Years!
I sat on the porch reading and watching the weather from the time I got home from class until it was to dark to read. Flitting sunshine, spritzing spring rain, a bouyant bluster in the wind dancing with the trees; smells of rain and earth and roses and daffodils and jasmine and orange blossoms; the sight of racing clouds (I miss the cloudscapes of England), my viola's spilling out of a half dozen pots about my feet on the porch, the Bonsai Juniper (a gift from Justin) sheltering the little ceramic shrine and fishing man, my Christmas cactus covered with tiny buds (Grandma Young is still watching over me), the neighbors tulips, another neighbor's stand of bird's of paradise and white lilies hemmed about with California poppies, even the Cati and succulents are in bloom; the street lined with palm trees growing next to oak trees growing next pine trees growing next to lemon trees,and peeking through the trees, a snow dusted Mt. Baldy; a warm tea, chocolate fudge pudding with black berries, a fat book (a novel, no research few a few hours I am celebrating!). A veritable cornucopia of sensations to revel in.
Celebrate my Alive Day with me. Your festivities must include chocolate, flowers, a favorite book, a warm beverage, a favorite food all to be shared with your favorite people!! Tell me all about it.